Oct 26, 2016

Reply 1988

"Fate doesn't come to you at just any time.
At the very least if you want to use the term fate it should be happen, often at the most dramatic moments brought by the coincidence.
That's what makes it fate.
That's why, another term of fate, is timing.
If I had not been caught at any of those damn traffic lights...
If any of those red lights had helped me, even once...
I could be standing in front of her, as if it were fate.
My first love was held back by that thing they call timing. That damn timing.

In the end, fate and timing...
do not just happen, out of coincidence.
They are products of earnest, simple choices, that make up miraculous moments.
Being resolute, making decisions without hesitation...
That is what makes timing.
He wanted her more than I did.
And I should have been more courageous.
It was not the traffic light's fault.
It was not timing.
It was my many hesitations."

- Jung Hwan, Reply 1988.

Oct 23, 2016

His side of story

I can't remember her.
I mean, I remember her name and what we had and everything, but I can't remember her.
I know I loved her laugh and her voice, but I can't remember what they sounded like.
I don't recall the scent in her hair that drove me crazy when I kissed the top of her head.
It could've been vanilla, but I'm not sure.
I wish I remember so much about her, but the only thing that comes to me anymore is how utterly destroyed she looked when I said goodbye and held another girl.
I wish I could go back and never let her go
I know it was all my mistake,
she's already gone
she's gone now
she's gone...

Her side of story

I deleted your number so that I wouldn't be able to call you on a day like this.
Where I can hardly breath without you, I can hardly breath at the thought that you're not here and it's been one of those days where you're the only one I know who can make it better.
I can't stop crying and I'm so scared cause.. what if you're the only one who's ever gonna love me or worse what if you're the only one I'm ever gonna be able to love like this.
The naive kind of love.
I can't believe I was so lucky to love you - kind of love.
Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do - kind of love.
I'm crying on the train home with tears smearing my lips,
with my heart bleeding so hard,
I feel like it could pour out onto the train tracks.
But you're gone
you're gone
I know that you're gone...

So?

talk.

I'll listen.

Oct 21, 2016

One fine day

I can remember that breathtaking moment to every last second.
As we were in the most desolate area in town we sat in silence, enjoy each other's company and staring at the night sky.
The moment was just right.
You looked at me like I was the most beautiful piece of art that you have ever seen before.
A perfect crafting.
As I stare into your eyes, your love pouring through into me.
Sparks fly throughout the air as we cherish this moment that will leave sweet, permanent memories.
And despite the fact that it only lasted second, it felt like it could have continued forever because I love you that much.
We stared into each others eyes and just smiled.
And here we go, once again, expressing our love to one another in a more powerful way than words can even begin to describe.

truly yours,

AZS

STILL CAN'T GET ENOUGH MY REPLY 1988

Let me bomb my escaping page with my escaping world,
here we go!


But...where's dong ryong's mom? lol


Too cute, isn't it? Can you guess who are they from the left?




Too cute to be true:')


HOT MAMA LOL

Now taek&deok sun!


...and that words become real awww


their first photo together when they were in China for Taek's event!






...and there was their first kiss when Taek thought it was just a dream





#TeamTaek


Bo Ra and Sun Woo's wedding :"))

I can watch it for many timesss!

Oct 17, 2016

DEDICATED TO REPLY 1988

Been so busy lately and I can't help myself to escape to another world.
Yes, this is also my escaping page but I can't handle this messy life only for creating words into sentences and had no idea what am I supposed to write.
So I decided to watch Korean Drama, as usual, my another escaping page.

I've heard about these reply series since last year but I just didn't have any interest until one day I asked my senior to give me some dramas, anything, ya anything, I didn't even care whether it's good or not, And taraa! There was reply 1988.

At first, I thought "what the heck is all about" brought me to 1988 era that I don't even know about anything, ok I tried to follow this drama and..........no need a long time
I'M TOTALLY, YES TOTALLY MADLY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH REPLY 1988.
The plots are easy and funny, that was made my days easier because my half-soul is in there.

Yes, I'm that kind of girl who didn't forget easily things that interested me.
At first, I didn't concern about the love story because it was all about family, friendship, school things.
In the middle, I was tooooo curious who will be her husband?
I gues Sun Woo but taraaaa he confessed her feeling to Bo Ra.
Ok who's again? I thought it could be Jung Hwan yes I'm pretty sure.
Suddenly I thought it could be the weird one, Dong Ryong.
OMG Ok I decided to choose my Choi Taek.
Yes until the rest of drama, I was giving my heart to Choi Taek.

My fav episode was all about Taek and Deok Sun since they were going to China for Taek's event and got their first picture togther.
SINCE THAT
I was skipping unimportant parts about their appa&oma scenes. lol. Yes. I wanted to see what will happen for my Taek and Deok Sun.
.....tara!!!
It was episode 18...... When Deok Sun was waiting Taek to come home and Taek got into his room and took his sleeping pills, Deok Sun didn't go home, she was there, she was watching her Taek slept. 
....and THEIR FIRST KISS OMG OMG CAN'T HELPPPPPPPPP it was too cute!!! 
but Taek thought it was all dream until 6 years later when they were in China (again) Deok Sun forget and tell Taek about their first kiss

Deok Sun (DS)
Choi Taek (CT)

CT : "You can sleep in the room, I can sleep just in here"
DS : "It's okay. I'll sleep on the sofa, you should sleep in the room. You didn't even sleep properly."
CT : "How can I sleep properly when you're on the sofa? The room and sofa are same to me. Once I take my pills anyway."
DS : "You take so much these days?"
CT : "I've built up resistance"
DS : "If you take too many, you can end up sleepwalking at night. What would you do if that happens?"
CT : "Hey. It's not that bad yet. You never know. Make sure you lock your doors tonight. I don't know what I'll do once I take my pills"
DS : "Why? Are you goind to kiss me again?"

OMG OMG AND THEN TAEK REALIZE THAT IT WASN'T A DREAM.
IT WASN'T A DREAM.
HE KISSED DEOK SUN.
6 YEARS AGO.
OMG.

.....after that he kissed Deok Sun again this part is my best of the best part I've ever seeeeeeen!!
CAN'T HELP OMG I'VE PLAYED THIS PART FOR MANY TIMES.
YOU GUYS HAVE TO SEE THIS PART,
CAN'T HELP
My tears is going to run I odn't know why but Taek is something omg
They become a couple and got married, but they didn't show us about Tae and Deok Sun's party they just show us about Sun Woo and Bo Ra with the-same-last-name-issues-lol

For me, Deok Sun and Taek parts are still not enough:(
But I'm glad, I found my eternity way to escape from this messy life

THANKYOU REPLY 1988!




truly yours since october 2016,

AZS

Madly in love

They got into car,
as they usually did
and she took her seatbelt
didn't say anything,
as she usually did
suddenly he played their song
not like usual
the rhytm and melody started to play
Lady Antebellum started their part
and they were singing like an idiot
totally in love as they first met
got their feeling back
even the athmosphere couldn't lie
even the gravity could't hold
they were singing
and totally dancing
to an eternity time

truly yours since birth,

AZS

Let's

They asked me to write again,
not about heartbreaks
not about loneliness
not about sadness
They asked me to write again,
about love
and passions
and laughters
They asked me to write again,
to boost the happiness
to charge the energy
to live happily
They're something,
who lived in the depth of my heart

xoxo,

AZS

Oct 13, 2016

excerpt a book I will never write #143

"She sat back in the chair and looked at her friend,
letting her legs dangle above the tile flooring.
'I just wish it would have turned out differently, you know? I think if we had met at a different time, or we were both older, or maybe we could've met somewhere else, it could have worked the way we wanted it to. Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting here telling you how much I miss his silly laugh and his beautiful smile, or his hair and how it was always all over the place. I don't think he brush his hair, ever.'
She laughed.
'He was crazy, but so was I. I am, still. He brought out the best in me, though, and I miss him more every single day'"

excerpt a book I will never write #155

"'I love you' she paused,
'But I need to go now. I need to leave'

'Because we're going to ruin each other.'"

Oct 12, 2016

Like a fool

"Do you love him?" they asked me. "No," I answered.

I always say no to that kind of question.

But I find pages of my books are full of the poem about you.
I got my self think about you in the middle of a love song.
I smile when your name pops up on my phone screen.
I can feel butterflies burst out of my stomach as we spend time together.
I didn't find your jokes funny but I was happy to see you laugh.
I get anxious when I see your face tired, wondering what has happened to you.
I feel something cracked inside knowing you treat someone better than the way you treat me.

I should have walked away as I realized that you treat me as a choice and you take me for granted.
I should've grown myself apart from you since you never come to hold me during my bad times.
I should've known that you might not give a glance at me because you're busy with your perfect life, or worst, you're busy falling in love with her.
I should've stopped as I see your heart blooms for someone else.

I have that choice, to stay or to run.
But in spite of all those sinking feelings, I choose to stay.

"...and I have loved you like a fool"

If only

"Not a minute goes by that you're not in my mind;

if only you were in my arms just as much."

Oct 11, 2016

Good-bye?

Somehow nowadays, most dreams feel like nightmares,
and cotton candy taste like bitterness and poison in my veins,
and falling stars deliver bad luck,
just like the ruins of you

How foolish and preposterous.
To admit: I still miss you.

How ludicrous and nonsensical.
To admit: I love you;still and always will.

My heart reeks of your love,
I remember your heart; of respect and trust and hope,


Thankyou!

Hi!
I'm doing what I had to do, but sorry I just can't let my fingers away from these keyboard and jump to my one and only, fancy vanilla.
I like it, pouring words into sentences.
At first, it just being my daily activities when I was in high school and yea it was just my online diary since I'm too lazy to find a right book.
At first, I never thought there will probably someone read this because my fancy vanilla isn't fancy at all, is it?
Well well this afternoon someone told me she likes to read my blog omg omg can't believe someone out there read my fancy vanilla hehehehehe.
I'm happy!! yey, yes as simple as that, as easy as that, to make me happy lol
Soooooooo from now on I will let my fingers run into keyboard, I will let my thoughts run in my head, I will let my self do anything as long as I'm doing on the right way.
I know this page isn't good at all, but thankyou for everyone who read this.
Thankyou! You inspire me, a lot.

hugs,

Ananda Zahira Syanindita

Frasa tak bertuan

Jangan banyak bicara,
nikmati saja lara.
Tak perlu menulis,
nikmati saja tangis.
Jangan sendu,
sudahi saja rindu.
Tak perlu bergegas,
buat saja pembatas.
Jangan membagi cerita,
tahan saja derita.
Selamat tinggal!
Semoga tak ada lagi yang janggal.


Dua

Malam itu langit menyuguhkan secercah sinar
dan lengkung sempurna,
seolah perhitungan sudutnya memang telah ditetapkan


Mewakilkan dua keindahan
sinar yang ada dalam matamu
dan lengkung sempurna seperti sudut bibirmu


Langit terlalu lugu belakangan
terlalu mudah terisak
tapi tidak pada malam itu


Pantulan sinar dan lengkung sempurnanya
membasuh sepercik rindu yang telah terbenam di dasar jurang
hendak terbang namun tertahan
dan pada akhirnya membiarkan saksi bisu bercerita
tentang kisah yang tertulis tak nyata
lalu membenamnya lagi
kemudian dilepaskan agar tidak kembali


Karena sesungguhnya, rindu ini milikmu
dan cinta ini tetap milik semesta


Ananda Zahira Syanindita

Oct 9, 2016

Reka Ulang Pagi Itu untuk Akshaya

Ini hanya cerita, jangan terlalu dibawa serius, jangan juga dihubungkan dengan kenyataan, nanti kalian kecewa. Gunakan imajinasi dan perspektif kalian ya. Baca aja, nikmati. Dijadikan pengantar tidur juga boleh berhubung besok hari senin, siapa tau bisa tidur lebih cepat. Jangan teralu dipikirkan, namanya juga cuma cerita.
Baiklah kita mulai ya, eh tapi tunggu. Kalau cerita tidak memiliki tokoh lantas apa yang mau dijadikan cerita? Sebentar, saya cari dulu tokohnya. Wah kebetulan malam ini tugas perencanaan analisis menanti, gimana? Lanjutkan menunggu email teman sekelompok dan tetap menulis atau makan saja? Rasanya perut ini minta asupan kalori. Hihi maafkan, saya ngelantur. Baiklah mari kita lanjutkan! Bentar ya saya mikir dulu tokohnya siapa. Bukan, ini bukan Dilan dan Milea tahun 1990 kok, bukan juga cerita romantis. Ini hanya sekedar cerita yang terlintas. Jadi, jangan berharap jawaban-jawaban romantis dari tiap percakapan bahkan dari tiap hal yang dilakukan, ok? Apalagi, jangan membayangkan ini nyata, gimana? Kalau ini kenyataan, pasti jadi sedih, jangan sedih-sedih ya kalian!  Semoga pembaca tidak kecewa! Selamat membaca!




Kala itu, pagi hari di bumi bagian timur, baratnya Indonesia, dan masih di sebuah pulau yang konon adalah salah satu pulau dengan penduduk terbanyak di negara khatulistiwa itu.
Falguni Akshaya Pratibha, menyusuri jalan setapak yang tidak datar, menghirup aroma tanah yang khas, ditemani embun pagi yang akan segera menghilang.
Menikmati segala ciptaan Tuhan yang ada disekelilingnya, dan menikmati kesendiriannya.
Akshaya, biasa ia disapa, melihat beberapa anak laki-laki yang sedang bermain di tepi jalan . Akshaya menyapa mereka, bertanya tentang hal-hal sekitarnya.
Mereka menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan sederhana Akshaya, dan otak Akshaya pun memerintahkan kakinya untuk berjalan kembali menyusuri jalan itu.
Ini pertama kali untuknya bisa sedekat ini dengan sang legedaris, menjulang tinggi, seolah dekat untuk dicapai, namun nyatanya? Tidak semudah itu.
Akshaya tidak gampang menyerah, namun akalnya masih bekerja dan tidak membiarkannya mengikuti perintah khayalan gilanya itu. Akhirnya dia berhenti.
Ia kembali melihat para anak lelaki yang tadi ditemuinya, mereka mengikuti Akshaya namun tetap berjalan saat Akshaya berhenti.
Akshaya memutuskan untuk kembali setelah mencoba pergi, ia merasa cukup memandangi langit dan segala isi bumi yang dapat dijangkaunya.

Devendra Anggasta Chandany, bediri di tepi jalan ketika Akshaya menyusuri jalan itu dan menikmati dunianya. Anggasta, biasa ia disapa, hanya mematung, melihat Akshaya pergi.
Entah karena ia membiarkannya atau karena ia tahu Akshaya akan kembali.
Namun tak lama, Anggasta menggunakan peluangnya dan menyusuri jalan yang telah lebih dulu dilewati Akshaya.
Entah karena ingin mencari garis takdir yang telah diatur, atau hanya sekedar ingin tahu seperti apa disana ,jalan yang lebih dulu Akshaya tempuh.
Ruang kerja otak Anggasta terlalu tertutup, mungkin lapisan luarnya terdiri dari beton.
Sudut pandang ketiga pun tidak mampu menerka apa yang dia rencanakan, apa yang dia rasakan, dan apa yang ia pikirkan.
Tidak seperti Akshaya, pikiran Akshaya memang kompleks namun lebih mudah untuk disimpulkan dan lebih terbuka. Ya, sepertinya lapisan luar ruang kerja otaknya hanya terdiri dari benang-benang tipis.

Semesta mempertemukan Akshaya dan Anggasta,
Kira-kira lebih baik dibahas dari sudut pandang siapa?
Anggasta? Akshaya?
Ya, kalian benar. Akshaya.
Benang-benang tipisnya lebih mudah dilalui daripada harus menghancurkan betonnya Anggasta.
Mari gunakan imajinasi dan perspektif, gunakan menurut versi kalian.


Akshaya kaku, irama degup jantungnya tidak beraturan. Iya, karena Anggasta.
Di jalan tak datar itu ia memperlambat langkahnya dan melihat lekuk bibir Anggasta naik, mungkin hanya sedikit.
Anggasta memulai percakapan, seperti yang kita tahu Anggasta terlalu sulit untuk diterka.
Waktu masih menunjukkan pukul 6 pagi, embun masih belum menghilang, sang legendari yang menjulang tinggi pun tidak beranjak kemanapun, menjadi bumbu, entah manis atau pahit, untuk kisah singkat Anggasta dan Akshaya.
Mereka duduk diatas bambu yang entah-oleh-siapa dijadikan suatu benda yang memiliki nilai tambah.

Anggasta berkata bahwa Akshaya telah menyerah untuk lari dan akhirnya kembali, tawa ringan pun hadir seketika. Anggasta masih sulit untuk diterka.
Akshaya, seperti biasa, memandang langit dan segala isi bumi yang dapat dijangkau oleh matanya.
"Itu awan atau kabut?" tanyanya pada Anggasta
Pertanyaan sederhana yang memunculkan berbagai jawaban. Ya, itulah Akshaya segala hal dijadikannya topik pembicaraan, walaupun hanya hal-hal sederhana.
"Itu awan, yang menabrak objek" jawab singkat Anggasta.
Mereka pun mengeluarkan argumennya masing-masing, apakah itu awan atau kabut.
"Mari cari tahu jawabannya, baik masing-masing ataupun bersama" ucap Anggasta.
Lagi, Akshaya menciptakan topik pembicaraan yang sangat tidak penting,
"Itu pohon apa?"
Dan kembali, mereka dengan argumennya masing-masing.
"Itu pohon cemara tapi beda spesies" dan berakhir pada "Oh ya! Itu pohon pinus" kali ini, dua jawaban itu dari Akshaya.
"Kenapa motor disini berisik semua?" salah, ini bukan pertanyaan Akshaya, kali ini Anggasta yang bertanya.
"Kan disini sunyi, jadi mereka membuat motornya berisik untuk menciptakan kebisingan" seperti biasa, Akshaya yang sangat mudah untuk ditebak menjawab seperti itu. Logikanya berkata seperti itu.
Kali ini Akshaya salah, logikanya bukan jawaban dari pertanyaan Anggasta, akhirnya Anggasta yang menjawab pertanyaan dari dirinya sendiri.
"Motor disini knalpotnya diganti untuk naikin ccnya karena jalan disini ngga datar" Deg! Itu Anggasta, Ya, Anggasta-nya Akshaya untuk saat itu.

Lalu mereka mengukur jari-jari tangan mereka.
Konon, jika jari manis lebih tinggi dari jari telunjuk maka orang tersebut tidak dapat bertahan lama pada pilihannya. Ya, bahasa mudahnya plin plan.
Akshaya mengukur jarinya, dan ya benar. Dia plin plan.
Anggasta? Seperti biasa, betonnya masih belum rapuh jadi cukup sulit untuk diterka. Mari beranggapan bahwa Anggastapun sama seperti Akshaya.

Mereka juga membahas tentang melinjo, daun melinjo, sayur asam, dan berakhir pada mandi malam yang menyebabkan penyakit.
Iya, memang tidak relevan.

Ketika kalian bertemu dan berbincang dengan Akshaya, kalian akan merasa seperti bicara pada langit.
Bukan, bukan langit yang kosong.
Langit yang tiada batas.
Itulah Akshaya. Paling tidak bagi Anggasta, itulah dirinya.


Akshaya memohon waktu untuk berhenti sesaat, hanya untuk menikmati obrolan ringan dengan Anggasta, dengan tempat dan situasi yang tidak pernah dia mimpikan sebelumnya.
Ya, semesta punya caranya sendiri. Potret wajah Anggasta dengan latar sang legendaris yang menjulang tinggi, sejuk, dan hijau itu pun sudah disimpan baik di memori jangka panjangnya Akshaya.
Beruntunglah ia memiliki lapisan yang hanya tediri dari benang-benang tipis, segala yang terjadi saat itu seketika langsung ia simpan di memori jangka panjangnya.

"Yey kalah" ucap Akshaya saat mata Anggasta beralih ke objek lain.
Lalu mereka tertawa, dan sisi lain Anggasta muncul kembali.
Sebelumnya, Anggasta beranggapan bahwa mata itu bukan Akshaya bukan miliknya.
Ya, memang secara harfiah mata Akshaya adalah milknya sendiri, namun yang dimaksud Anggasta disini adalah mata itu untuknya, menatap balik ke arahnya, saling bertemu berbagi cerita tak terucap.

Pagi itu adalah satu-satunya bagi Akshaya, tidak ada pagi-pagi sebelumnya yang seperti itu atau bahkan pagi-pagi lain yang akan sama seperti itu. Tidak ada.
Pagi itu sangat indah bagi Akshaya, segala halnya. Mungkin juga bagi Anggasta. Tidak tahu, ya seperti yang kita tahu bahwa Anggasta sulit diterka.
Baiklah, semesta sudah terlalu baik kepada mereka berdua, Sudah waktunya kembali dari dunia nyata yang seperti khayalan ke dunia yang memang sangat nyata.

Sebagai penutup, seperti biasa, Akshaya akan melakukan apa yang ia sukai, ya itulah Akshaya.
Mereka masih berbincang ringan sambil menuruni jalan.
"Itu kota apa?" tanya Akshaya lagi
"Mungkin negeri di atas awan" tutup Anggasta
Akshaya mendaratkan cubitan kesukaannya di pipi Anggasta lalu segera berbalik dan berlari kecil meninggalkan Anggasta di belakang.
"Akshaya" panggil Anggasta, ia pun menoleh, saling tersenyum simpul dan kembali terpisahkan.


Akshaya menyudahinya, membiarkan Anggasta kembali ke Tavisha. Namun Akshaya menyimpannya dengan baik, memori jangka panjangnya sangat baik jadi ia masih bisa reka ulang pagi indahnya terus menerus, mungkin sebagai penghantar tidur sampai ia lupa bagaimana bentuk mata Anggasta, sampai Anggasta perlahan memudar dan perlahan memori jangka panjangnya Akshaya menghapus memori pagi terindahnya Akshaya.

Anggasta mungkin merasa cukup untuk apa yang telah semesta berikan, dan mungkin akan segera lupa saat ia bangun dari tidurnya, menganggap itu semua hanya bunga tidurnya. Anggasta mungkin akan mencoba pagi itu, bersama Tavisha, Tidak, Anggasta tidak menjadikan reka  ulang pagi itu sebagai penghantar tidurnya seperti yang Akshaya lakukan. Mungkin juga reka ulang itu tdak masuk ke memori jangka panjangnya Anggasta.

Tak apa, Akshaya tidak serakah, Pagi itu lebih cukup untuknya.
Tidak, Akshaya tidak meminta waktu untuk terulang karena itu hal yang sangat tidak mungkin.
Akshaya hanya akan tetap menjaga reka ulang pagi itu dan memutarnya setiap malam saat ia hendak tidur.
Tidak, mata Akshaya akan mencari objek lain daripada menjadikan mata Anggasta objek untuknya. Ia takut tidak bisa mengalihkannya ke objek lain, biarkan mata itu menjadi objek Tavisha

Ya, Akshaya mulai lagi semua dari awal. Membangun tembok pertahanannya, bahkan menyiapkan lapisan tebalnya.
Akshaya takut kalau tidak seperti itu, ia akan serakah dan meminta pagi pagi lain Anggasta.
Saat rindu pun, reka ulang pagi itu cukup untuk Akshaya, jangan bertemu. Kalau Akshaya bertemu Anggasta, nanti ia serakah dan menjadikan mata Anggasta objek satu-satunya untuk sesaat dan tidak ingin dikalahkan Anggasta.

"Terima kasih semesta, terima kasih Anggasta. Jaga Tavisha ya." ucapnya sebelum reka ulang pagi indahnya dimulai


...akan dilanjutkan jika semesta mengizinkan

Ananda Zahira Syanindita
10/9/16

Oct 5, 2016

Mari

Mari cermati,
dimulai dengan ketidaksengajaan,
berlanjut dengan peluang yang tersedia,
berakhir dengan takdir yang telah bekerja

Mari berpaling,
tidak perlu menoleh
tetap berpaling
dan akan terus berpaling

Mari beranjak,
berpisah dipersimpangan
untuk hal yang telah ditetapkan
sebagaimana mestinya


Mari pergi,
bersamaan dengan gugur daun bulan Oktober
bersamaan dengan awan hitam langit malam
bersamaan dengan padamnya asap

Mari menghilang,
entah sejenak
entah selamanya
atau bahkan tanpa satuan waktu

Mari sudahi malam ini,
Mari hapus memori,
Mari menghargai,
Mari lari,
dan tutup cerita ini.
Mohon untuk kali ini,
jangan ingkar janji.

Bogor,
5 Oktober 2016
11.17 pm