Sep 21, 2014

Disposed

WELL TOMORRORW IS A NEW DAY!
I have to forget anything about the past;p
Well, I have been disposing the first rose, the letters that I want send to you (thank God I forget to give it), the flowers that you've given to me 3 weeks ago, and your photo.

I can heal this, slowly.
There's no more memories about it yippieee!

AZS

Worst week ever.

WORST WEEK EVER.
I saw his car, twice.
It's not a big problem actually, what make it worse is I let myself replied his text for several times just for answering those unnecessary things.
I don't know how, but whenever I feel my heart beat faster than it supposed to, I'm sure he's around me.
Seems like I have a good feeling at it, seems like God give me a sign. Sounds stupid?
Yes.
But it happened for three times.
First, when I took a rest at my course. I went to somewhere with my friends, then suddenly my heart beat faster than before. I have no idea how could this happened. And several days later, I knew from him that he was at the same place with me. He was around me. We were so close. Hiks.
Second, when I was going to take a class at my course. I don't know why my heart was beating faster than it supposed to. My friend always talked about him, his car, or anything about him. And it makes me curious, whenever I saw a red car I make sure that wasn't him. But in fact, that was his car! I almost meet him, thank God for "almost". Yes. He was around me, we were so close.
And third, 2 days ago. My heart was beating faster over and over again, I kept asking myself what would happened at that time. Then I went to somewhere with my friends, to get some food for this fussy tummy and when my friends picked me up to get home, again. I saw his car and I guess I saw him too.
From now on, I trust my heart more than anything. Whenever it's beating faster, I have to prepare myself for anything that could be happened. I wish I could handle it.

It's not a big things actually. I accepted him on path, twice. And unshared him twice. He asked me why did I remove him from my friend list?
Well you know, actually I don't want to know anything about him.
I know more from my friends although I don't want to.
I know the truth. I know how was his day going on. I do really know, eventhough I ignore myself to think about it.
Sad enough, isn't it?
I trust someone who had lied to me for thousand times, but I still trust him.
I knew the truth, but I still trust a lie.
I'm exhausted to get myself think about it over and over again, it neither change anything nor heals the pain.

But this is a life! I have to enjoy every moment of it. I do accept this story, I learned much from it.
I need more time to heal this pain, after it perhaps we could be friend again. Totally friend. Time will prove it.

AZS

Sep 15, 2014

Figure it out

Someone told me that you posted something on your line's home.
I told him, last night you sent me a picture.
Then he showed me your line's home.
"I miss your stupid face"

Oh... Couldn't even believe it, how fast you moved on.
Congratulation! I wish she'd better than me.
But she'd never loved you as much as I can.

AZS

Sep 14, 2014

FUUUUUH

WELL
I GOTTA THROUGH THIS
no one cares, though.
I'll try.. :):):)

Yours.

Thinking Out Loud
So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart

Photograph
And if you hurt me
Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go

One
I'm stumbling off drunk, getting myself lost
I am so gone, so tell me the way home
I listen to sad songs, singing about love
And where it goes wrong

AZS

Getting worse.

You know that feeling?
When I'm just waiting.
Waiting to get home, into my room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that I kept in all day.
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either.
And I'm tired.
And I just want to someone to be there and tell me it's going to be fine, it's going to be okay.
But no one's going to be there.
And you know?
No one could fix it, no one but my self.
And my self, still couldn't. Even just for open these door, for looking how mess this hall.
But I still pretend like there's nothing happen. Nothing. And I just let my self to follow the rhytme of the life, kept it all day, and let it burn in this bed until those sprinkles accompany me to sleep.

AZS

Sep 9, 2014

Thankyou anyway :)

You already decided to leave me.
But, why do you still keep in touch with me?
Well... If you want to leave, just leave. I won't beg you to stay.
It was your decision.
But baby please, could you stay away from me? :)
Don't ever come to me again, don't ever talk to me. We don't have to talk anything, not anymore.
We had our own way. You already chose your own way.
Just leave.
I'll be fine.
Time will heal this pain.
Time gonna fix it.
Thankyou for leaving. Thankyou for giving up. Thankyou for hurting.
While I've tried my best to you. While I'm struggling enough to stay. While I tried my best to make you smile.
Hope you'll find something better :)
Good night, love.

not even yours anymore,

AZS

Sep 7, 2014

Weak.

Been a week.
Been a week since I had to rebuilt all over again.
I've dreamed about you everyday since the last time we met, I don't even know why. Perhaps...Deep down inside this hole I miss you more than I could ignore it, more than I'd thought.
Well, that walls would never as tough as I want.

AZS