How..

“When did everything get so screwed up?
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
I don’t know who I am anymore..”

Another night of “craving you”

“...a deep, tight, and long hug after office would be nice.
You close the door and drown yourself to me.
I hug you tight to make sure this is not dream.
...a sweet and gentle kiss before sleep would be nice.
You grab my face, pull me closer.
I push my lips against yours.
...a little touch of your hand in the morning would be nice.
You touch me slowly.
I fall too deep.”

if only we had another chance,
if only we can build another dream,
if only we last forever.
it would be nice.

will you?
can we?

I love you,
I always do.

-S.

Another goodbye

I wish I could’ve been there,
just to hug you tight
before give you another goodbye.

Both of us were suffocating,
forget how to breath
I was pressing my nails to my palm
until it bleeding
I was biting my tongue
to feel my blood
I need to feel another pain.

-S.

At least.

At least (as I’ve seen you from here)
you’re okay,
you’ve survived,

At least (as I’ve seen you from here)
my absence has been so long
that my presence no longer matters

-S.

Playlist; Until I find you again.

“Lately I’ve bern trying
to fill up my days since you’re gone
The speed of love is blinding
and I didn’t know how to hold on
My mind won’t clear, I’m out of tears
My heart’s got no room left inside.

How many dreams will end?
How long can I pretend?
How many times will love pass me by,
...until I find you again?


I’d hold you tighter,
closer than ever before
no flame would burn brighter
if I could touch you once more,
hold you once more..“

-S.

Memories.

I keep collecting our memories,

I keep coming to our places,

I want to see us,

Street food,

Round table,

Ballroom,

Empty,

but I see us

through the memories

I see us,

We were laughing to your lame jokes,

We were smiling to each other without saying a word,

We were judging all of the people who passed in front of us,

How can I drown my self in your arms?

How can I hug you tight?

How can I hold your hand?

Tell me the perfect words to describe more than “I miss you”

Tell me..

-S.

Playlist; I’m not OK.

“Sick to my stomach

Four in the morning, I can’t sleep

In and out the city

I’m worried bout where you may be

Feels like I’ve been here

Stressing the things I can’t see

Where do you go? What do you do?

Without me, without me,

I’m not OK, I’m not OK.”

-S.

28

I can not write anything except,
I miss you.

Around this time,

we were there,
our own castle.

-S.

Friday. Rain. City.

Friday.
Rain.
City.

I used to hug you last friday,
drowning my self there.
I spill your parfume this friday,
to drowning in my own self and feel you.

I still play our games,
I still play our songs,
I still play our videos.

But one thing for sure,
it's not the same withour you.

Friday.
Rain.
City.

This time,
I should've drowned my self in your hug,
You should've held me tight,
We should've bursted the distance.

I getting my self lost,
yet you did nothing.
Please tell me what am I supposed to do?

Would you come to my dream?
Hug me? Just a moment, please?
Will you? Can we?
Tell me.

Friday.
Rain.
City.

You're not here.
I have nowhere to go.

-S.

Little short story #5

Cursed

"I cursed you.

That your fingertips will just remind forever in my spine up along of my hip,

no one can ever feel them.

That your hand only can tracing my jawline to my neck and keep going down,

no one can ever enjoy them.

That you will only give the warmth of your breath next to my ear,

no one can ever taste them.

That every of your gentle tug will always be mine,

no one can ever have them.

And I cursed you.

That you will never get enough from anyone but me.

That you and your mind will always craving me.

That you can not refuse even just the shadows of my soul."

You will always be 

my slave,

and my king.

-S.

Little short story #4

At the same gate.
The same plane.
The same time.

"I see you again through the same door
with you there and your arms wide open
ready to drown me to your hug"

no longer exists.

-S.

Little short story #3

In case you ever foolishly forget;
when
"I am madly in love with you, I do."
(supposed to) change into
"I was madly in love with you, I did."

- she whispered to him.

-S.

Little short story #2

He told her;
"Please, stay with me.
Hold my hand, I promise you.
I guide you to us."

-one of his empty promises.

-S.

Little short story #1

He asks her,

"Are you okay?"

She says,

"Yes"

and smile

They both know she was lying.

He's quite, then he holds her tighter, closer to his chest.

He kisses her forehead and tell her

"It's okay, we can through this. I'll see you soon in no time."

-S.

Excerpt a book I'll never write

"...at the end if I have to give up,
it is not because I stop loving you.
It is not because I,m goint to hate you.
It will be because I love you
and I don't want you to suffer."

Hold On

"...cause an empty room 

can be so loud
there's to many tears

to drown them out

so hold on, 

hold on, 

hold on, 

hold on."

Happy Birthday!

Dear self, 

Boom! Happy Birthday!✨

Thank you for being your own home, 

thank you for going through everything and still survive until today, thank you for always been there.. 🤗

There will be many ups&downs, 

all you gotta do is hangin’ on! That’s life 😉

Always remember the days you prayed for things you have now, you’re blessed.. Remember that. ❤️

You’ve done so many things, you’ve got your own.. 🤗

Once again, Happy Birthday!🎉🎁

Let’s face another journey, may Allah always bless you with love, health, and happiness! Welcome to the new page!✨

ps : stay strong! you can cry and laugh as much as you want, but remember at least you have your own self, you are your own home..

-xx,

your another boom❤️

Lost?

Stumbling,
Shaking,
Nowhere to go,

Where is home?
Where do I have to go?

Vanilla Story; Kind of foolishness (3)

you’re a salt

he’s a wound

but darling

you can’t heal, 

you put so much pain,

too much pain within it

instead of salt,

he needs medicine.

xx,

fancy vanilla

Vanilla Story; Kind of foolishness (2)

instead of being a water,

she is being a fire

xx,

fancy vanilla