All I know is that it's all great for a while, I can see all the butterflies crystal clear and the love you bestowed upon me is definitely for real until they finally came to ruin us.
Yes, fleeing away from what injures you in such veracity is precisely not an answer at all. At some point you really have to stop running and turn around and face it. It's like how can you explain something when you don't even understand it yourself? Like having the words in your mouth that you can not utter that as if your tongue tied and nobody cares about what you are saying.
And now, it's just me alone.
Who keeps on missing those things.
Those things that made me smile, special, and loved. Those pointless cute moments that made me love you.
Every detail if all the things we had. And you, without any premonition, without any single word, without saying goodbye, you walked out and left me with nothing.
We've got a little too far and I just can't figure out the plot why all of a sudden we had to go back being strangers again.
I couldn't believe that this is going as fast as it is. I just don't get it. I absolutely don't get it.
Why is it that whenever I'm about to get rid of you then there you are again. For what? To make me believe that you want me as well as the way I do? You know what? This sort of step up is so mystifying. It turned out to ruin everything.
I'd started. But I must admit it the fact that I'd never lose hope with the idea of anytime of the day you will feel like thinking of me then missing me and eventually wanting me and after that you're gonna ask me to go out and..you know what it is. That's all and that's it, right? That's what I am to you.
You only think of me when you're alone, when you wanna have fun, when you have nothing to call but me.
But you know? I can forgive you. I can forgive you a thousand times with all the shit that you did to me.
I forgive you for making me waiting in vain, I forgive you for letting you manage to keep your hands off out of me whenever you wanted to and hold me back whenever you feel liking it.
I forgive you for always leaving me hanging by a moment, I forgive you eventhough a lot of times you took me for granted, I forgive you for making me feel that you're not even bothered if I'm hurt or how I am when I knew for the fact that I've gone through, that lately I'm hurting and having you acting that you're so fine doing great with your friends out there which is as if I'm nothing to you after all.
Do you have any idea of how much you make me feel so damn wasted? You know I hurt like hell. Did anyone tell you that you're so bad? I hate you for that. Absolutely hate you for that. But the more I hate my self for not getting mad at you for so long, for forgiving you with those things that caused me pain because I knew for the fact that however bad you are there's still something within you that I just can't let go, knowing the mere fact that no matter how hard I try I just can't "have" you or I can't make you feel the same way that I do
I never told you to go but I never ask you to stay. I mean I really wanted you to stay but I chose not to let you know besides, it won't create any difference on how you feel towards me then, right? Yes, of course.
See? My heart said yes. So what's the point between letting you know and not letting you know?
I have to accept that perhaps it's not really the right time for you to love me or really not at all.
I'm too tired to holding on for more. I just can't.
You don't even love me, you don't even want me, you don't even fight for me, you always give me so much excuses. Should I go now? How long can I hold this? I've tried my best for you, heaven know I tried.
Tell me what am I supposed to do?:")
I hope you'll understand.
truly yours,
AZS
